he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
