I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
