areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
