Where did you get a picture of my penis
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
