we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
