loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
