No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
