i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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