i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
