ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
