I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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