eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
