Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
