Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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