the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
