he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
