rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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