ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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