My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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