Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
