Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
