I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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