I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
