i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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