You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
