dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
