it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
