I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
