guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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