I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
