We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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