If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
