so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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