he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
