KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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