Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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