she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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