i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
