That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How's work?
Spinning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
