i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I won the penis lottery.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
