Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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