end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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