this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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