I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
