i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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