I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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