You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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