Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
