am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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