Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
