I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
