Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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